“Paris in October” by Katie Rice

800px-Francisco_de_Goya_y_Lucientes_-_Duelo_a_garrotazos(Paris in October)
“Duelo a garrotazos” by Francisco de Goya, circa 1819

The endless summer,
the interminable summer,
under whose glare the Goyas burned,
Dos viejos comiendo now orange
with the handprint of the sun.

We go see them in their sterile room.
I let you take me behind
Las Pinturas Negras and undress me.
Two men dueling, knee deep in sand—
I sink dangerous into you.

Outside the Prado the dry heat breaks.
Next weekend I will be leaving
Madrid for Paris. You will stay
with your Spanish family—
it is time, anyway, to say goodbye.

You threw my house key through the gate
at El Palacio Real before I left.
“It is secret and royal,” you said.
“It is irreversible,” I said.
Now in the city of light and gold,
I watch amantes throw keys into the Seine,

I drink warm coffee,
brown like the back of your neck,
the darkest creases of your body.
Graffiti on the table reminds me
of Goya painting black and yellow frescos
on his walls before his death.

You alone in your house now,
(and hasn’t there been a death?)
remembering us before the Spanish heat
made me elastic, and you, callous.
I step into the lush French rain.

It is not only bloom and beauty here;
couples walk streets that smell like piss.
They make me think of you,
and you make me think of Saturn
with his white eyes and wild hair,
clutching his bloody, headless son.

A father eating his children to fight fate.
Those wild white eyes…
He once was a god,
once was somebody’s lover.

 

 

Katie Rice earned her BA in English: Creative Writing from Colgate University. She now works at Penguin Random House and lives in Brooklyn, NY.  Her poems have appeared in Black Bottom Review.

Read an interview with Katie here.

“Ghosts” by Lonette Stayton

George-Catlin-(Ghosts)
American Indian by George Catlin, circa 1840

Westwood was built, according to folklore, on top of Indian burial grounds. I never found an arrowhead when excavating the driveway of our home, the broken bits and pieces strewn here and there as I pretended to be on a grand adventure for National Geographic, but I trusted the elders of the neighborhood who talked of ghosts and objects disappearing. I wanted to see a ghost–just once, a barely-there specter that whispered secrets to me and me alone. And though I never got to hear anything go bump in the night, I’m no less the believer.

I lived with ghosts of a different sort.

Westwood was a suburb in South Memphis where hardworking, middle-class whites lived before the white flight of the early seventies. When I was born in ’74, there were no whites in my neighborhood, just hardworking, barely middle-class blacks earning a living and proudly proclaiming a plot of earth as their own.

Despite my grandmother’s disapproval, my parents bought their three bedrooms, one bath home on Lillian Drive in Westwood shortly after my birth. My grandmother, Big Momma, was sure that her daughter-in-law was going to mire her son in debt. Daddy’s job as a warehouse worker with the VA Hospital and Momma’s job as a manicurist was enough to keep their little family afloat.

Momma planted pink azalea bushes and golden burning bushes in the flower bed in front of the living room windows. The new sofa, purchased on credit, was preserved in plastic. The faint smell of bleach clung to the air, testifying to the cleanliness of the home. Years later, this house appears often in my dreams.

Momma’s mission to create the perfect home didn’t erase the trauma of her loss. How do you survive ghosts? How do you continue on despite the constant reminders of what was lost? Once, when Momma suffered from one of her dark spells, she told me what happened in Germany. This was one of the few times she ever discussed my older sister, Angela. She told me Daddy came home to the Army base where they were stationed to a trail of blood that led from the front door to the bedroom. “The coffin was so tiny,” she said, her eyes gazing at something I couldn’t see. I asked where the miscarried infant was buried, but she mumbled something low and waved her left hand, dismissing the question. I didn’t ask again.

The twin boys were born six months too early, their tiny lungs undeveloped and unready for this world. I found a photograph of Momma round with pregnancy, a black and white checkered maternity blouse floating about her as she appeared to be opening gifts.

“Momma, were you pregnant with me?” I asked when I found the photo. Framed baby pictures and photo albums that chronicled my progression into childhood graced end tables, but this photograph I had not seen.

“No, baby. I was pregnant with the twins.” This was the first time I heard of yet another birth, more siblings who did not live to be a part of my family. As a five or six year old, my concept of death was still murky, but I was sure that they were still there in the home with us. I knew Momma was haunted when she had her sadness and didn’t feel well enough to drive me to school. When she said no to swimming lessons and no to playing at friends’ houses, it was because the specters of my older siblings lurked about, reminding her of how lucky she was to have a living daughter, and that life could be taken away from her in a second.

For Momma, the dead lingered.

The Chickasaw, who occupied the land that became Memphis long before the whites and the blacks, had their own way of dealing with their dead. The Indians discharged guns and whooped to drive the ghosts of dead men away. After the souls were induced to leave the neighborhood of their living relatives, they traveled westward, passed under the sky, and proceeded upward to the land of The One Above or the Breath Holder, their ancient idea of heaven. The name “spirits road” was given to the Milky Way that was regarded as the trail upon which souls ascended.

I imagine my adult self returning to the three-bedroom home on Lillian Drive with my own rifle, discharging it over and over again, startling the occupants of my childhood home. One, two, three, the spirits of what would have become my older sister Angela, and my older twin brothers, Sean and Shane, would flee from this place, would stop haunting my mother with images of what they would have looked like at age seven, celebrating a birthday party, or at age sixteen, asking for the keys to the car. There would be no more crying spells and days where Momma couldn’t rise from bed and bathe herself, her usually immaculate hair mussed. I can see Angela, Sean, and Shane slipping and sliding upward on the Milky Way, gurgling their baby gurgles, fists flying, hospital blankets floating around them, as they are taken into the arms of The One Above.

I, too, would be free, free to roam beyond the only yard with a fence in the neighborhood. I would have childhood stories of biking through the meandering streets, stopping by the candy lady’s house around the corner, and purchasing dill pickles with peppermint sticks stuck in the middle of them. I could tell my future children about climbing Keisha’s huge oak tree and double dutching with Cookie and Kim three houses down. I would have memories of scraped knees, banged elbows, and numerous crushes.

Instead, Angela, Sean, and Shane refused to travel westward. These spirits, because of the ferocity and viciousness of my mother’s love, vexed me. They occupied my mother’s space, prevented her from playing dolls with me. They caused her to say no when I asked if she could take me to the movies, to parties, to the Girl Scouts meetings.

I have few memories of her without glazed eyes, hunched shoulders.

The front yard had a deep rut that circled the front yard, made by my bike because I wasn’t allowed to leave the lawn.

“B, why get her a bike if she can’t use it?” my Dad asked.

“She can ride it in the yard!” was Momma’s terse reply.

I never got to see the interior of the candy lady’s home, the little old lady who supplemented her social security checks with candy sales to neighborhood children. I had to ask Keisha next door to bring back a dill pickle, bribing her by not asking for my change when she returned. Waiting for Keisha at the gate, my fingers entwined within the chain-link fence, the image of five or six children running away from my yard, became a recurring theme. Left behind. Forgotten.

A few times I was allowed to play at Keisha’s since she was right next door, but not often. And I remember Cookie and Kim coming to the house with chocolate chip goodies, presumably to share. I don’t know what Momma told them, but I watched them walk down the street with their cookies from my barred bedroom window.

The only time I went beyond the Westwood border was when I attended a school in my grandmother’s neighborhood. To prevent me from becoming a latch key kid, I attended school across town where I could walk to Granny’s after school. There no one knew I couldn’t leave the yard. Alton Elementary was out of reach of the spirits.

Years later, I see the frightened woman who attempted to keep her household together with plastic and bleach. There was nothing to keep the uncertainty of the world away except for a chain-link fence and vigilance. My younger self deeply resented Momma and wished I could have experienced a childhood of freedom. There is still anger, yes, but anger dulled with understanding. Now that I’m thirty-eight and attempting to start a family, I wonder how my mother survived the haunting of her miscarriage and her premature twin boys. I long to forgive the borders and boundaries of my childhood, the intense loneliness and isolation of my youth. I long to forgive, because I may soon be protecting a child of my own.

Sometimes I drive past the house on Lillian. The driveway is now paved, the carport is now a garage, and the azaleas are long gone. Even though I longed to escape its front yard, I’m still drawn to the house every so often, slowing down so I can gaze at my childhood home.

 

 

Lonette Stayton is currently an MFA student at the University of Memphis. She is working on her thesis, Fractured Self–A Life in Snapshots, and plans to graduate in the spring. Her middle school students’ passion for writing inspires her every day.

“Attachments” by Jodi Paloni

Franz Marc- (Attachments)
“Cats” by Franz Marc, circa 1909

After her third dog passed, Lorelei adopted an overweight calico. The couple that had brought him in wrote on the form 12 yrs old, heart problems. The cat dealt with enough heft to make it impossible for him to clean his own back, so had dreadlocks down the spine and dandruff, too.

“Are you sure you want grumpy old Murray?” asked the boy at the desk.

“I want to help,” she said. “I can’t get attached to a cat.”

~

The cat was renown for hissing at the volunteers in the shelter, but when Lorelei let him out of the carrier in her living room, he sidled up against her legs and rubbed, weaving around her calves in fat figure eights as if he missed her. When he rolled on his back on the carpet, he looked like a seal. He slept on the end of her bed. Trapped her feet under the covers. Wheezed. Strangely, the sound helped her fall asleep.

After a few nights, she loved the cat as if he were a dog. She told him, “You’re going on a diet.” She put Special Recipe for indoor adult cats into his dish by the refrigerator. “Let’s slim you down. You’ll live longer.”

She cut out his dreads. She brushed him until his fur shined. He purred.

Lorelei’s next-door neighbor, Joe, came to eat dinner and watch East Enders on the BBC every Tuesday night. They had gone to school together as kids. In high school, Joe tried to date her, but she preferred the closeness they shared as friends. Both inherited their parents’ houses. Both moved home after their busted marriages. Neither had kids.

With Joe there, Murray hissed and hid beneath the couch, but he couldn’t fit all the way, so they laughed to see the cat’s doughy haunches and his thick tail whipping and slapping the rug.

“How do you like the new old cat?” Joe asked as he ate beef stew at her kitchen table.

“It’s working out pretty well,” she said. “Better than I thought.”

Joe nodded and chewed.

“He’s good company. He sleeps on the bed.”

“Really.” Joe wiped his mouth. He leaned back in his chair and called out in the direction of the living room, “Hey, Murray, what’s your secret, buddy?”

Lorelei laughed, covering her mouth with her fingers.

“Lori, you know I’d be happy to join you in bed anytime you’d let me.”

“I’m happy as we are.” She looked down at her stew. “You know that.” She looked up.

“I’m going to keep reminding you that we could be happier,” he said and winked.

“Let’s not mess with it.”

But she liked that he had called her by her childhood name.

~

Joe sat next to Lorelei on the couch to watch TV. She felt Murray’s tail thwack against her foot. She worried about Joe’s weight on the cat. Joe wasn’t fat, but he was a large man. In that way, he took after his father, but only in size. Joe could handle his alcohol. As long as she could feel the switch of Murray’s tail, she felt the cat was probably fine.

When the show ended, he helped her with the dishes. She walked him outside to the path through the hedge between their houses.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Next time,” she answered.

It was always the same, from when they were teenagers, their little joke.

In the living room, Lorelei propped a corner of the couch up with the dictionary and spoke sweetly to Murray. She used a treat to finally get him to spin around and crawl out. At bedtime, Murray did his seal-flop in the middle of the rug. He didn’t follow her to the stairs.

“You’re punishing me cause you think I have a new boyfriend, aren’t you?”

Murray switched his tail.

“But you’re my new boyfriend, Murray. You’re the guy for me.”

~

In the bathroom, Lorelei looked out the window to Joe’s house while she brushed her teeth. His kitchen was all lit up. She slipped into the guestroom, her old childhood room, where she could spy more easily in the dark. She saw him sitting at his kitchen table, one leg crossed over the other. He wore only denim-blue boxers and white socks as he talked on the phone. It was past eleven. He laughed, looked happy.

She remembered his body differently, young, hairless, playing Marco Polo at the public pool, always jerking around. She recalled thin tight muscles bulging from his soccer uniform. Now he looked soft and comfortable. Relaxed.

Who would he be talking to at this hour? Joe had friends and maybe someone special, more than just a friend, but she didn’t know.

Murray howled from the hallway. Lorelei fixed the curtains and headed for bed.

She passed Murray in the hall. “So, big guy, I guess I’m forgiven.”

He waited for her while she brushed her teeth.

~

The following Monday, Lorelei had an e-mail from Joe telling her he couldn’t make it on Tuesday. Something had come up at his crew club. There was a special meeting for the board.

She ate leftovers and watched East Enders with Murray curled on the cushion where Joe usually sat. She felt a tightening around her heart. She realized she missed Joe. In the kitchen, she made herself a cup of lemon ginger tea and sat down at the table.

After fourteen years of marriage drama, she longed for peace, some solitude. Joe didn’t push or cloy. They shared the one night a week. She imagined that sometime in the future they’d have sex, but she didn’t want to rush.

She startled when he rapped on a glass pane of the kitchen door.

“Oh.” She pressed one hand on her chest and beckoned with the other for him to come in.

He carried a paper bag. “Am I too late for dessert? I brought ice cream.”

“Murray and I thought we weren’t going to see you tonight.” Her voice was pitched and sounded giddy.

“I saw your light.”

Murray hunkered down on the threshold in the archway between the living room and the kitchen, ears back, scowling, his tail going.

“You’re all threats, Mister.” Joe teased the cat as he scooped ice cream into coffee mugs. “I dare you to do something about it.”

“Let’s eat at the table.” Lorelei worried about Murray hiding under the couch. “At least he’s not hissing.”

Joe told her all about the crew club meeting. Someone had spray-painted the boathouse.

“Apparently it’s not graffiti. Now it’s called Street Art.” He laughed. “Some of it is quite beautiful.”

“Remember in tenth grade when we painted the Civil Rights mural on the new gym wall?”

“Remember the senior trip to Mexico?” Joe wagged his eyebrows up and down.

“Let’s not go there.” It was the one time they’d made out and groped each other a little after they played Quarters for shots of tequila. She got up to rinse their mugs. “Let’s walk. I’d like to see it.”

“See what?”

“The Street Art.”

On the riverfront, Joe shined a flashlight, illuminating a painting of three women, larger-than-life, with over-exaggerated fleshy parts squishing out of red, white, and blue vintage swimsuits. The women lounged by a pool. They held up fancy martini glasses that were as wide as their heads. Cocktail stirrers in the shape of thin pink penises protruded out of the glasses. Gold fireworks exploded on the black sky background.

“Whoa, weird.” Lorelei stepped back to try to understand it better.

“It’s wild, isn’t it? It has this three-dimensional look,” said Joe, standing up close, gesturing at the picture with the weakening beam. “Inviting. Couldn’t you could step right into the party.”

She shook her head. The light on the painting made the women look clownish. The river chilled and dampened the air. She wanted to go home.

“I’m kind of freezing all of a sudden.”

Joe turned to her and shined the flashlight on her midriff, forming a circle of dull luminescence that enveloped them both. “Lori,” he said. “Can’t I kiss you?”

“Next time,” she said playing along.

“No, now.” He stepped closer and paused.

The kiss was warm, just long enough to show them both that now could be the right time.

She caught his free hand. “Come on, let’s go back.”

They’d left the lights on in the kitchen. Murray stretched horizontally on the linoleum floor just inside the door. He had not assumed his usual seal-flop position. Lorelei said his name, but his tail remained still.

“Jesus Christ, Joe, I think he’s dead.” Her fingers on one hand covered her mouth. She pressed the other to her chest.

Joe squatted and placed a flat hand on the cat’s torso. “He’s warm still. But I think you’re right. I don’t feel any up and down.”

“Okay, that’s it.” Lorelei sank into a kitchen chair. “This is my last pet.”

Joe petted the cat’s smooth back as if the cat were alive. She thought of the dandruff Murray had when she had first brought him home. The kitchen clock ticked.

The phone rang over in Joe’s house. She glanced at the clock. It was after eleven.

He stood. “I have to run over and grab that call.” He pumped his hands up and down as if to calm her, but she had not shown any agitation. She felt discouraged and cold. “But I’ll be right back,” Joe said. “Really, Lori, I wouldn’t leave you now if it wasn’t important.”

She shut the kitchen door behind him and locked it.

“Odd. Another eleven o’clock call,” she said aloud, but of course, Murray couldn’t hear; he was dead.

She grabbed a bath towel from the dryer in the laundry room, smoothed it flat on the floor, and rolled Murray onto the makeshift shroud. She swaddled him, leaving his head uncovered, and carried all twenty-three pounds of dead weight up the stairs to the guestroom. She set him in the middle of the bed and stood next to him in the dark.

Joe had surprised her, leaving when she had a dead cat on her hands. Now she couldn’t stop herself from peering at his house through the curtains. He stood in the kitchen wearing all of his clothes and seemed to be looking at her house, but he was still on the phone and he appeared to be laughing.

~

Standing there in the dark, she thought about a night when she was sixteen. First, she heard Joe’s drunken father singing outside. Then, through this same window, she watched him crash into the redwood bird feeder and fall on his back. He stayed in that position, unmoving, for what seemed like forever. Lori’s parents were out, and no one from next-door came to investigate, so she’d gone over to see if he was dead. He wasn’t. He was staring up at the moon, eyes wide, smiling. When she leaned over him, asked if he was okay, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to the ground. He rolled on top of her. He called her baby girl. She yelled for him to stop. He shushed her. She couldn’t move. Lorelei felt knuckles press into her hipbone. When she heard the clinking sound of his buckle, fear clogged her throat. She could hardly breathe from the man’s weight.

Then Joe appeared. He kicked the side of his dad’s gut and yelled, “Get up you fucking bastard! Jesus! Lorelei!” As soon as she was free, Lorelei ran home and locked all of the doors. She showered and put on fresh pajamas. She sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom until she heard her parents’ car in the driveway then she went to bed. The next morning, when Joe came to walk her to work, he tried to smooth it over. “He doesn’t remember anything, Lori. Not a thing. I’m sure of it. He never remembers.”

She had held up her hand. “Stop! I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What were you doing out there?”

“I said stop it, Joe. You dealt with it. We’re all just fine.”

Though Lorelei did not think of that event very often, she had thought about it last spring, when Joe pulled up the parched cedar ground creeper that had pricked her through her lightweight pajamas that night. He replaced it with waxy-smooth periwinkle that bloomed a deep purple in the summer. The bird feeder out front at Joe’s was new, too.

Now she adjusted the curtain at the guestroom window. She leaned over the bed. “Our time was short and sweet, old guy.” She patted the mass of Murray’s body through the towel. “Great while it lasted.”

She shut the door behind her, closing the dead cat inside. She brushed her teeth, and went to bed. She missed Murray’s weight against her feet.

Twenty-minutes later, the telephone rang. Seven rings. She had expected as much. She turned to face the wall and drew her knees to her chest under the quilts.

Seven more rings. Then, silence. Then, seven rings. Then, silence.

Tomorrow before work, Lorelei would bury Murray next to her three shelter dogs in the back yard. She imagined Joe would see her digging a hole and come to help.

They’d start all over.

Again.

They’d start all over.

 

 

Jodi Paloni lives and writes in the foothills of southern Vermont. Her stories appear in Green Mountains Review, Carve Magazine, The Atticus Review, Whitefish Review, upstreet, Spartan, and others. She is the 2013 winner of The Short Story America Prize for Short Fiction and placed second in the 2012 Raymond Carver Short Story Contest. Jodi reviews fiction for Contrary Magazine and New Pages. She has an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts.

Read an interview with Jodi here.

January 2014

KiikAK.
Kiik A.K. (lullaby) previously studied poetics at Santa Clara University and UC Davis and is a current graduate student of creative writing at UC San Diego. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in the journals iO, Scythe, Washington Square, Barge Press, The Brooklyner, Alligator Juniper, CutBank and Alice Blue Review.

Christine AlettiJPG
Christine Aletti (Two Variations on the Theme of Goodbye) has an M.F.A. from Sarah Lawrence College. Her poems have been published in Two Hawks Quarterly and Tattoo Highway. Christine lives in New Jersey, where she teaches writing to unruly youths and yoga to disciplined yuppies.

Richard Bader
Richard Bader‘s (The Tuesday Evening Meditation Group Breaks to Pee) fiction has been (or is about to be) published by the Burningword Literary Journal, SN Review, and National Public Radio. This is his second story for r.kv.ry. He lives and writes in Towson, Maryland.

Roy Bentley
Roy Bentley‘s (The World’s Last Morning) poems have appeared in the Southern Review, North American Review, Shenandoah, Mid-American Review, Prairie Schooner, American Literary Review, The Journal, New Virginia Review, Laurel Review, Sou’wester and elsewhere.

Janet Frishberg
Janet Frishberg (Benefits of Anticipatory Grief) lives and writes in a light blue room in San Francisco. She’s currently editing her first book, a memoir. You can find her work in Literary Orphans, Cease, Cows, sparkle & blink, the SF Chronicle, and soon in The Rufous City Review and Black Heart Magazine. You can find her @jfrishberg

Ann Hillesland
Ann Hillesland‘s (Wunnerful, Wunnerful, Fabulous) work has been published or is forthcoming in literary journals including Fourth Genre, The Los Angeles Review, Monkeybicycle, Open City, Prick of the Spindle, and SmokeLong Quarterly, and has been selected for the Wigleaf Top 50 Very Short Fictions 2012. She is a graduate of the MFA program at Queen’s University of Charlotte.

Rasmenia Massoud
Rasmenia Massoud (Junie the Tree) is from Colorado, but after several weird turns, she ended up somewhere in France. She is the author of the short story collections HUMAN DETRITUS and BROKEN ABROAD. Some of her other work has appeared in various anthologies and online at places like The Foundling Review, The Lowestoft Chronicle, Literary Orphans, Metazen, Full of Crow, Flash Fiction Offensive and Underground Voices. You can visit her at: http://www.rasmenia.com/

Alexa Mergen
Alexa Mergen (Cells of Solitude) edits the blogs Day Poems and Yoga Stanza. Her poem “Distance,” published in Solo Novo, was a clmp Taste Test selection. Alexa’s most recent chapbook is Three Weeks Before Summer; and a full-length poetry collection is forthcoming from Salmon in 2015. For a full list of published essays, poems and short stories, please visit alexamergen.com

Michelle Olney
Michelle Olney (Short Prayer) studied Creative Writing at Brandeis University, where she received the American Poets Honorary Prize (2009). She was recently hired as Poetry Editor for the speculative genre magazine Isotropic Fiction. She lives and works in Portland, ME.

Jodi Paloni
Jodi Paloni (Attachments) lives and writes in the foothills of southern Vermont. Her stories appear in Green Mountains Review, Carve Magazine, The Atticus Review, Whitefish Review, upstreet, Spartan, and others. She is the 2013 winner of The Short Story America Prize for Short Fiction and placed second in the 2012 Raymond Carver Short Story Contest. Jodi reviews fiction for Contrary Magazine and New Pages. She has an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts.

Katie Rice
Katie Rice (Paris in October) earned her BA in English: Creative Writing from Colgate University. She now works at Penguin Random House and lives in Brooklyn, NY.  Her poems have appeared in Black Bottom Review.

Lonette Stayton
Lonette Stayton (Ghosts) is currently a MFA student at the University of Memphis. She is working on her thesis, Fractured Self–A Life in Snapshots, and plans to graduate in the spring. Her middle school students’ passion for writing inspires her every day.

Jack Troy
Jack Troy
(The Wind in the Jug) is a potter, teacher and writer who lives and works in Huntingdon, PA. He has taught over 200 workshops for potters and his work in clay has taken him to 24 countries. His poems have appeared in West Branch, Pivot, Friends Journal, Kestrel, The Studio Potter, and Common Ground. His collection of poems, Calling the Planet Home, was self-published in 2003. His website is jacktroy.net

unnamed
Monica Wendel (The Lightning Continued) is the author of No Apocalypse (Georgetown Review Press, 2013) and the chapbooks Call it a Window (Midwest Writing Center, 2012) and Pioneer (forthcoming, Thrush Press). These poems were composed at the Jack Kerouac Project of Orlando, Florida, where she was the Spring 2013 writer-in-residence. Currently, Monica lives in Brooklyn and is assistant professor of composition and creative writing at St. Thomas Aquinas College.

Kevin Winchester
Kevin Winchester (Like Juliet and Romeo) is a North Carolina native and author of the short story collection, Everybody’s Gotta Eat. His work has appeared in Gulf Coast, Tin House, Barrel House, Storysouth, and the anthology Everything But the Baby. In 2005, the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference awarded Kevin their Work Study Scholarship. He is currently the Director of the Writing Center at Wingate University where he also teaches Creative Writing. Winchester recently won the 2013 Thomas Wolfe Fiction Award.

typewriter
Fran Wolf (Meditations on my Brother’s Winter Coat) writes stories she’s learned from living life as a paralegal, waitress, library aide, community organizer, phone solicitor for charities, and all too many other jobs. “Meditations on My Brother’s Winter Coat” is her first published story. You can reach her at: franwolf1117@gmail.com

“The Wind in the Jug” by Jack Troy

Bullock-cart-by-M-K-Kelkar(Wind in teh Jug)
“Bullock Cart” watercolor painting by M.K. Kelkar
(For the Abolitionist Potters of Chester County, Pennsylvania)

Bluebird potters, they called you,
your kiln-smoke grafting winter on to spring.
You had the power to call birds north
with a gallon crock, rung by your knuckle,
toning the fire-birthed heat to the breeze,
that clear note drifting south
below the Mason-Dixon line.

Your county’s hills enclose me here
the way that sleepers’ knees push up green quilts.
In this fieldstone cellar-hole, open to March’s sky,
I find your stoneware jug, tamped in a niche
one hundred fifty years ago.
Blue-gray clay hide restrains the bulbous dark inside.
I sniff the vinegared past, tip to my ear this conch,
this echo-holder, stamped by a whorl at the handle’s base.
I read you by your thumbprint, potter.
Mahlon Brosius, John Vickers, I hear you in there.
My breath across the jug-mouth rumbles.
Sound spills from this clay chrysalis
like that of distant tumbrels, or your wagons
mounded high with straw-packed mugs and porringers.
Slaves — runaways — were the heart of your cargo.
Scheming their freedom, you trundled them north,
Quaker to Quaker, binding the law’s weak wrists
with your compassion.

Within these cellar walls I’m centered,
like a man who wakes up in a bowl.
This stony jug’s the gift of time, and flesh, and fire.
Its hand-fixed form now shapes the wind
these bluebirds ride and liven with their song.
Hold back here, jug, the earth from closing down.

 

 

Jack Troy is a potter, teacher and writer who lives and works in Huntingdon, PA. He has taught over 200 workshops for potters and his work in clay has taken him to 24 countries. His poems have appeared in West Branch, Pivot, Friends Journal, Kestrel, The Studio Potter, and Common Ground. His collection of poems, Calling the Planet Home, was self-published in 2003. His website is jacktroy.net

Read an interview with Jack here.

“Why You’re Here” by Rick Gray

Why You're Here (In the Gyre)
“Tires Underwater” by Elizabeth leader, pastel with mixed media

When I was sure the nurse was out
in the sick bed next to mine,
And 30 milligrams of Karachi diazepam couldn’t stop
the thudding propellers,

I rose quiet as a Seal and aimed for the
poppy fields of Helmand District located
just south of the analgesic section
I had scoped in the clinic medicine chest.

I almost got them right
Into my open mouth
Little white words I can’t spit out
When the nurse’s voice

Blazed through Afghan darkness
ten years of Texas truck stop waitress behind it
like a red warning flare that said
That’s why you’re here.

 

 

Rick Gray has a poem appearing in the winter issue of Salamander. He was a finalist for the Editor’s Award at MARGIE. His essay, “Total Darkness,” will appear in the forthcoming book, Neither Here Nor There: An Anthology of Reverse Culture Shock. When not in Afghanistan, he lives in Florida with his wife and twin daughters.

“Four for the Duke” by Charlie Clark

Four for the Duke
“Catholic Campus–Dodge Street” by Elizabeth Leader, collage with found object

1. The Duke’s Letter to His Wife Explaining His Prolonged Stay at the Spring Cottage

Some have to travel a long way to discover
the pleasure of a good deep square of green.
But that sounds too much like wisdom.
The year is young, I’m only partly in the country,
and all I know of grass is what the groundsman tells me.
The last time I put my body down in some, I was drunk.
Quaint, I know, though it may have been why the magic didn’t take.
Or it may have been because of whatever darkness was crawling through the dustbins,
making me sweat two hundred yellow pounds.
It smelled like peppermint schnapps and a sun-burnt slaughterhouse.
You couldn’t have told us apart, there upon the ground.
I say that like I’m proud.
Of all the things to poison myself with
I keep choosing the least effective.

 

2. Third Draft of the Duke’s Annual Summer Letter to His Mistress

It’s almost easy, love, sitting here while the sky blackens through the bare,
devil-fingered limbs of my courtyard’s sole strange tree, its trunk so narrow
one can grasp it, nearly, like a handle, except for how the bark’s jagged shingles scrape the hand,
the gashes quickly going red and welled along the palm.
Not knowing, I call it the tree of knowledge.
(It’s common knowledge pain eases with a joke, even one so bad.)
I’m sure there’s someone who knows how to suck the poison out
while someone else knows how to enter such a wound and come through the other end improved.
You’re adept at one of these at least.
Each takes a skill beyond my understanding.
Most skills are beyond me
except for how, when my limits bleed like this,
I gather their unspooling contents, and, making a ladle of my hands,
offer up as much as you will drink.

 

3. The Duke’s Letter About His Last Fall Walk, Its Recipient Uncertain

Stopping last evening at the curve along the creek
where one has a good clear view of the portion of the dilapidated graveyard
whose headstones all have fallen among a rash of still-hanging-on little yellow flowers we called
poppers when I was young,
I saw the long, fist-thick coil of a serpent soaking from one slab the last of the season’s heat.
Stalled there watching, I suddenly recalled the dream in which I wore a jacket made of snakes.
Not just skins, but whole live ones wrapped around me,
tails always rattling to warn others of my approach.
And constant biting. The first would kill while the next one would revive me.
No mercy in it, though their clacking sounded happy, like workmen when they whistle.
Thinking this while watching across the water, just before the light gave out completely,
I saw a rabbit, grazing on the flowers, wander in among the graves.
I thought they had a better nose for these things.
When I shouted it stared in my direction.
It had eyes like a Byzantine Jesus.

 

4. Winter; the Duke’s Last Letter, Copied in Triplicate

It took distance to realize what I need is distance.
On my walks, I look out at the empty trees
and am satisfied not knowing any of their names,
feeling for them only sorrow.
There are days when even looking at them is too much,
when it’s enough to sit listening to the oscillations of my heart.
I’d say you should hear the range of it,
the way it seems sometimes it should tear
from all the blood it’s taking in,
but that would require you placing your head against my chest,
and, separating your pulse from mine,
listening as best you can.
Even then you might not hear the thing I mean.
Please think of me when you see shadows.

 

 

Charlie Clark’s work has appeared in Crazyhorse; Forklift, Ohio; Fugue; The Missouri Review; New Orleans Review; Smartish Pace; and elsewhere. He earned his MFA in poetry at the University of Maryland.

 

“American Epiphany, Part II” by Robert Boswell

American Epiphany Part II
Jade-Bratz from the TOYOLOGY series, by Elizabeth Leader, 2011, Mixed Media Assemblage

Continued from Part I

The freckled boy locked the door behind them. He was sweating. “It’s amazing you’re even alive,” he said. “We saw a whole cow fly by. A whole entire cow.”

“This is my husband,” she said to the fat boy. To her husband, she said, “This is the boy that put Coke in my iced tea.”

They shook hands.

“It wasn’t dead,” the boy said. “Its hooves were stomping the air.” He demonstrated with his puffy fists.

“Thanks for that, Skippy,” she said.

Dmitry made a beeline for Kenny, throwing his arms around him. Tera supposed that it was odd of her to call Kenny for help, but she had known he would come. Men want to rescue you. And sometimes you want to be rescued.

“The phone lines are down or I would have called you,” Kenny said after they’d settled in a booth. He gave a nod in the direction of his quivering vehicle. “I’d have told you to stay at the facility. The reports say this one is a monster.” He nodded his head in a different direction. “Julio has a radio. We got an update before the batteries gave out.”

“Tornadoes are mercurial storms,” Dmitry said. “They may destroy a single house in a neighborhood and leave all the others untouched.”

“There’s a bottle of whiskey in my car,” Tera said. “Do you suppose Skippy would be willing to fetch it?”

“We’ve missed you,” Kenny said to Dmitry. “The whole department. Students ask about you daily.”

“Students,” Dmitry replied. “There’re so many of them. Aren’t there? Generation after generation of students. We should probably all gather in the bathroom, don’t you think?”

Kenny sent her an S.O.S. but she was making sense of hubby by this time.

“The safest place in a storm,” she said, “is the bathroom.”

“Of course,” Kenny said, relieved. “Why is that I wonder?”

“Small size,” Dmitry said, “wall strength, the fixtures.” After a moment, he added, “Interiority.”

It was then that the immense funnel showed itself in the windows of the Hardee’s, a great undulate of white rope. Some bored god with a lariat the size of the Sears Tower.

Skippy and his gang claimed the Guys, which left them with the Gals. A small, translucent window covered with chicken wire let in smeared dollops of light. Dmitry sat on a toilet in the handicapped stall, and Tera sat on his lap. Kenny was in the adjacent stall. If she ducked her head low, she could see his sneakers. The bathroom tile and metal stalls turned their voices hard and made them bounce like rubber balls about the room.

Her men talked for a while about changes in the department, how one of Dmitry’s enemies had made a push to usurp the planned hire. The sociology department was divided along theoretical lines, much like Europe in the first half of the twentieth century, and battles periodically erupted. Dmitry and Kenny tossed volleys back and forth over the metal wall about internecine hostilities. Tera had studied in the department for three years, but she was content to listen, recalling the afternoon in his office that she told him she was quitting the program, and how he took her into his arms (they were lovers by this time) and she curled into his lap, smelling the leather of his chair. The toilet wasn’t quite so comfy, but she felt finally at ease. He sounded so much more himself talking about an assistant professor who did arbitrary interviews with the poor and published them as research, validity and reliability be damned, and how another colleague, who collected and analyzed monkey sperm, hated the assistant professor so much that he hired undergraduates to answer her ad and pose as the homeless. Universities were home to the most extreme kinds of idiocy.

Dmitry said to Kenny, “I’m aware, of course, that you and my wife had intercourse.”

She kept her head bent against his chest. The other stall fell silent. They could hear things outside bumping against the shabby building. Girders squealed, as the wind tried to rip the lid from the box.

“Sexual intercourse,” Dmitry clarified.

“I understand you,” Kenny said. “What do you want me to say?”

The next silence was even longer, but the world happily stepped into the gap, and it occurred to Tera to say that the wind was the sky’s way of complaining. She had confessed to Dmitry some weeks ago, during one of her visits to the farm. He hadn’t responded, and she hadn’t been sure that he was tracking the conversation.

Finally, she said, “I’m sorry.”

“Yes,” Dmitry said. “You told me that.”

“Something’s happening underneath,” Kenny said. “The water’s rocking.”

“Don’t you lose your mind, too,” she said, an inconsiderate remark, considering.

“The water in the toilet is full of waves,” Kenny insisted.

They stood, lifted the lid, and looked.

“It seems to be rising,” she said.

“It’s attempting to communicate,” Dmitry said. “It’s weary of its life. We only think of the sewer when we have something foul we wish for it to take away.” He leaned lower. “Forgive us,” he spoke this directly into the open mouth of the toilet.

Strange spears of light entered the stall, and Kenny stepped in, joining them, latching the door behind him. He pointed upward, but stared at them. “We should hold each other,” he said.

The ceiling was rattling, and a peculiar, strained light leapt in the gaps. Wires, electrical coils as thick as Tera’s arms, held the hovering ceiling, kept it from continuing its levitation. Everywhere beneath them, chained to them like the famous cannon ball, was the betrayal, in which Tera and Kenny did terrible and wonderful things behind Dmitry’s back while he continued to do nice things for them.

And that second betrayal, when she refused to continue loving Kenny despite Dmitry having removed himself from the picture; that was there, too, in the darkness beneath their forked bodies.

“It may be a septic system out here,” Dmitry said, clutching her tightly. “Not a sewer system, per se.” His face was lit by an unholy flash of light, as if by divine touch, and then it went dark. Her men crowded around her, holding her tight.

The howling was suddenly fierce, and Tera yelled out that she loved him, without saying which him, and held tight to them both.

Skippy was unconscious, and the place was a certifiable mess. Much of what had been the top of the building was now in the parking lot and on the highway, and rain fell through the gaps. All the loose furniture—the freestanding chairs and tables, the newspaper rack, and the March of Dimes candy dispenser—were gone, erased, still whirling over the Midwest somewhere beyond their ability to see. The booths were missing their tables. The seats and backs had inflated with water, and damp stuffing burst from the seams like sea creatures emerging from primordial caves. A great blossom of grime was laid over every item that remained in the room. There was no litter on the floor, only puddles, streams, tributaries, and poor fat Skippy, lying on his back, Dmitry and Julio kneeling over him, while Kenny and a spare Hardee Boy used mops and towels (the storage room was undamaged) to keep the growing flood away from his great, beached body. Tera’s cell phone no longer worked and the landline didn’t even offer static.

The men pumped furiously on Skippy’s chest, as if he were deflating. During the height of the storm, he had inexplicably left the Men’s and darted out into the chaos.

“He didn’t say nothing,” Julio offered, apologetically. “It was no way we could go after him.”

After a long while, they gave up their efforts.

Tera had expected death to lend them a sense of wonder, to provide a spectacle, or at least a profound moment or two, but he merely looked cheapened, like a toy the day after Christmas.

“He’s peed himself,” Julio said, backing away.

The storm had been kind enough to bring Tera her car and nudge it up against the flagpole. Unfortunately, it was parked upside down. The passenger door was gone, but the glove box was intact and shut, and when she popped it open, the fifth of whiskey plopped into her waiting palm.

Dmitry took too many swigs of it. The liquor emitted a mixed set of signals to his brain, some of them sane but unkind (he punched Kenny in the chest) and some of them insane but helpful (when the rain abated, he filled his shoes with grease from the kitchen spill and built a fire in the parking lot, where they roasted frozen meat patties). His conversation rambled from sharp-edged replies to meaningless, idiosyncratic comments. When his mind had been clear, his intellectual passion was a fearsome thing to behold, a deep well of icy water, frigid to the skin and almost too cold to drink, but as clear as snowmelt and as quick as death.

At some point, Julio took each of them out to the road to see: the tabletops from the booths were laid out on the highway in a row, like the keys to a piano.

It was the smell of flaming meat, they would later speculate, that brought Skippy back from the dead.

“God, that smells good,” he said, stumbling out of the ruined Hardee’s and into the parking lot, sopping wet and walking funny but undeniably alive. The fire provided the only light, and in that grease-fed blaze, he looked pale and otherworldly, and Tera knew she wasn’t the only one who thought he had taken a journey and returned.

“Jesus shit,” Julio said. “You all right?”

“My chest hurts is all.”

“We thought you were dead,” Tera told him. “Dead dead. Not like, dead for a while.”

“Holy cow,” he said. “Dead.” He made an awful face. “You just left my body in there?”

She shrugged. “We were sort of hungry.”

“Kinda sucks that nobody even, you know, sat with the body.”

“We’ll do better next time.” She crossed her heart.

Stars emerged, pricking the dark, but there were too many of them. “The constellations are gone,” Dmitry said, pointing. “They’ve been cut loose. They’re all on their own.”

“What’s it like to be dead?” Tera asked.

Skippy shrugged. “I didn’t feel any difference.”

“Why you run out into that shit?” Julio demanded.

Skippy pondered that for awhile. “Something I’d forgotten,” he said and then snapped his fingers. “My umbrella. It was under the counter, and I thought I ought to get it.” He smiled and shook his head in something like wonder. “All other thoughts left my brain, and I just ran out after it.” He looked up at the nameless stars for several seconds. “It has a silver tip,” he clarified. “That umbrella does.”

Tera was young enough and she had extended her education long enough that she could still say that she had been a student for most of her life. Unless she went back to school, though, that would change, and how would she think of herself then? Sometimes she seemed like a sheet of music on which someone had typed prose, and so, on fresh blank paper, she worked to create a narrative, but what came out was a set of lyrics. It seemed likely that her tombstone would be covered with finger-paint.

In the days to come, she would find that her husband was both eager and apprehensive to return to his old life, where he was exceptional and treated with deference, where the possibility of being undone by a foolish girl he had taken into his home was as unlikely as the presence of thieves who break into your house to leave gifts. Eventually, he would become himself again, the revered professor of sociology, loved by students and admired by his peers. Except he would no longer care for research. He would give up his great theories, the beautiful speculations on the causes of heartache and suffering among the masses. He would quit opening the journals that arrived in the mail, never ripping off their transparent covers. He would even give up the newspaper. He’d had such a specific and specialized view of the world, and yet he ditched it without so much as a whimper. Tera could only imagine the outlook he had abandoned, where events of the world conformed to reasonable inquiry. While most saw chaos and irrational grief, he had seen reasons, a hidden order, and irrational grief.

One night, years after the storm, Tera and Dmitry would go to a revolving restaurant in a high rise, and beyond the window radiant droplets streamed in unison on the distant freeway, and she realized this was how she thought of his research, the view it gave him, things boiled down to their essences and moving in a pattern. He had this view while the rest of them had to walk the streets. It seemed like a lot to abandon.

“It wasn’t dark,” Skippy said suddenly. “Being dead. It was real colorful, like magazine pictures tossed ever which way. And I wasn’t fat, so much. But it was real loud. Lots of voices saying things in two million languages, and there was construction going on. I knew if I hung around I’d have to pitch in.”

“So you came back alive instead,” Julio said. “Being a lazy bastard finally paid off.”

Skippy had this way of shrugging that made his neck disappear. “It was more like there was a spring, a coiled metal spring, with like a steering wheel on the end of it—is my car out here at all?” He glanced about for only a second. “I clung to that steering wheel, and the spring was, you know, thrusting me out, but I didn’t let go and it sprung back, and that’s when I smelled burgers and opened my eyes.”

The night air had been softened by the parade of large objects flying through it, and a mist settled about their faces and skin and clothing, and an owl started in with a lonesome hoot that was almost mechanical in its alteration of pitch.

“That must be the cops,” Julio said.

“That’s a siren?” Tera asked.

Dmitry said, “I thought it was an owl.” He laughed at himself.

She didn’t tell him that she had made the same ridiculous mistake, but it pleased her that they shared that error and made her optimistic that they might make a go of it after all. There appeared then little moons of lights, to go with the siren, twin moons, as if they really were on a foreign world. And then twirling blue beacons took over the sky.

Kenny would finish his PhD that May and go on the market. Dmitry would write an enthusiastic letter of recommendation, and Kenny would take a job out West. They would hear about his marriage to a blandly attractive woman and the fact of their children, but he did not send cards or email photographs. He and Dmitry would occasionally run into each other at professional conferences, but Tera has not seen Kenny and has not heard from him in all these years, and while she had worried that she might be tempted to cheat on her marriage again, it never happened. She can say for sure that it will never happen, as her husband lies in the next room dying, and she works on these pages between visits. This is a new hospital, and she can see the river from the waiting room, a curling blackness that winds through the city. But it’s not Dmitry’s dying that she wishes to write about, and not the past several years, which have been like any couple’s years—a song with a good chorus but mixed verses. They never had children and that is both a relief and a regret, and Dmitry never wrote another professional word, which is unquestionably Tera’s fault but she has made her peace with it. She doesn’t care to write about any of these things, just that night, all those years ago.

The woman’s nose has been reconstructed to look like a pennywhistle, her ears unnaturally flat against her head, like cloth flaps. She no longer looks like a koala. She looks like gecko. Tera goes online to find a phone number for the Hardee’s, which she has passed maybe fifty times since that night without ever making a return visit, a brand new and equally hideous building having replaced the old one. No one at the new Hardee’s was employed fifteen years ago, but the manager is interested in her quest and willing to go through the employment files. “That storm,” he says while perusing the records, “I was in college at the time, but my mother witnessed the funnel. As tall as skyscraper, she said.”

Julio’s number belongs to his parents, who reveal to Tera that he has moved to Los Angeles. They provide the number.

“There wasn’t no Skippy,” Julio says.

“The freckled boy,” she explains. “Overweight? He died and came back to life?”

“Oh, him,” Julio says. “He died again a couple weeks later. Went in his sleep.” He sighs and adds, “That’s how I want to go.”

Dmitry will almost certainly go in his sleep. He rarely opens his eyes. Yet she believes he can hear her, and she recognizes his attempts to respond, though they are the smallest of diminished movements. She will try to be beside Dmitry when he dies.

“Poor Skippy,” she says.

“It wasn’t Skippy,” Julio says. “It was like Larry or Lance or something.”

“Lazarus?”

“You got a bad memory on you.”

She wants to know why he died.

“The doctors said internal injuries. That was some storm, all right. What I remember most is the tabletops on the highway, just like stair steps, only not going up.”

She thanks Julio and says goodbye. In another moment, after she has composed herself, she’ll go in and read to her husband what she has written, but she is not quite finished writing.

Out there in the Hardee’s parking lot, she had felt drowsy and sluggish, as if she had been living another person’s life. The dark was returning everything to its proper shape, erasing the magic, the stars settling again in their familiar patterns—though there were more stars than she had ever seen. Even the shyest of the celestial eyes had stepped forward to look.

Without any of the human forms of illumination, save for the fire, the bandage of night was complete, and Tera and her men stopped bleeding. They stood near the heat with their hands to the flames in the gesture of stop, as if they wished to hold back, to limit the influence of light a little while longer. She imagined them as the first humans, walking upright but communicating by crude gestures and guttural noises. The margins between the past and present had been blown away, and they huddled together as several forms of themselves. Tera was at least a dozen women standing before the fire, and some versions of Dmitry loved her and some hated her, and some had not noticed that she was there. And the Kennys and Julios and Skippys and those other working stiffs all gathered at the flames, a bundle of humanity. They had become a crowd, a crown, a vast recollection of life, which was what Dmitry studied, what he had used that precious mind of his to investigate and analyze. Bodies of people.

Her epiphany in the Hardee’s parking lot, a half-dreamt vision. Write about that night, she would say to Dmitry in the years to come. He would just smile and rock his head to one side, content in his textual silence. You write about it, he would say.

“What I’d like to do next,” Skippy told her, “now that I’ve been dead and all…” He paused to bite the burger in his hand. They had no buns, and his patty was hot. Grease on his jowls glistened in the firelight. “What I’d like to do next…”

But the sirens grew suddenly louder and the gaudy light show ended the adventure. They were packed off into cars, and Tera fell asleep in the back of a police cruiser, nestled between Kenny and Dmitry, the bodies of people she loved.

 

 

Robert Boswell has a new novel, Tumbledown, from Graywolf Press. He has published three story collections, seven novels, and two books of nonfiction. More than 70 stories and essays have appeared in the New Yorker, Best American Short Stories, O. Henry Prize Stories, Pushcart Prize Stories, Esquire, Colorado Review, Epoch, Ploughshares, and more. He shares the Cullen Endowed Chair in Creative Writing with his wife, Antonya Nelson. They live in Houston, Texas; Las Cruces, New Mexico; and Telluride, Colorado. They also spend time in a ghost town high in the Rockies.

Read our interview with Robert here.

“The Knock Down” by Margot Taylor

Endangered Sea Creatures
“Endangered Sea Creatures” by Elizabeth Leader, Mixed media

Sarah married a man who was building a boat to sail around the world. She loved that he was so intrepid, so exactly her idea of a man. She loved that, with John, her life wouldn’t be ordinary.

But it all went wrong the day they set out, into a fresh breeze and a glittering sea, as England thinned to a pencil line, and the sky turned to lead. She blogged about it afterwards; about how the wind built and the sea heaped up and a wave like a house slewed the boat and knocked her down; and how water fell on them like concrete and the sail seemed it would be buried forever but slow as a waterlogged bird it lifted somehow miraculously out of the sea.

She blogged about how they turned, and ran before the wind, and crawled back into Falmouth; how they tied up, and went into the cabin, and waded through bedding and floating food.

She didn’t blog about John, how she went to him to be held, and he was shaking, and instead she had to hold him. She didn’t blog about how, in the following days, and the following weeks, he seemed smaller. How she wanted to plump him up like a cushion, knock him back into being him.

“Hey,” Sarah said. “Everyone thinks we’re amazing.”

She read from her laptop. ‘“Omg you guys are awesome.” And this one. “You crazy sons of bitches. Totally mad – but bloody heroic.” And another. “Do it for me. Live the dream.”’

“Listen to them, John.”

He shrugged and looked away.

“Fine,” she said. “Whatever.”

The boat was cleaned up and ready again. John checked the forecast every day, but couldn’t make the decision to leave. So they shopped at Tesco, read their books, and slept. Sarah wanted to blog about the shrimp she found swimming in circles in the loo, but if she blogged, people would ask where they were. The shrimp stayed a day, then must’ve got bored, because he left. Other boats touched down like migrating birds, and left again, and every time another boat left, Sarah would look at her husband, to see if he saw how easy it was for other people.

John reached from his bunk one night and touched her arm. “Don’t be angry,” he said.  When she knew he slept, she turned on her laptop and started to type.

‘Wending our way up a distributary of the Orinoco. The most amazing thing today–little fish swimming in the loo, shards of brilliant colour. Water hyacinths float past like carpets and the butterflies are half a foot across. We lie awake at night listening to the hoots, screeches and grunts from the jungle all around.”

She smiled. How her friends would envy her as they read her post over their cornflakes.

“Cheer up,” she said to John, next morning. “Things aren’t so bad.  Why don’t we get a takeaway and a DVD tonight?”

She allowed enough weeks for a passage to the Pacific before she blogged again saying she had sat on a rock with a sunbathing iguana in the Galapagos. A few months later she told about their temporary work picking oranges in California. Then Alaska and she had them stepping onto a frosted deck into a morning so raw and brilliant it hurt. She told of an iceberg nearly hit and a blue whale passing like a submarine under their hull.

Back in Falmouth, England, when the winter gales blew, Sarah and John moved a little further upriver and tucked themselves somewhere snug, near a thatched pub which did cream teas, and a village shop.

“Check this before I post it?” Sarah said from her laptop.

John read over her shoulder.

“What?” she said. “What’s so funny?”

“We saw penguins in Alaska?”

Sarah stared at him, then knocked her head with the flat of her hand. “Stupid.”

John caught her hand in his. “You know what? I’m sick of ice and polar bears.”

“I am too,” Sarah said. “So where shall we go?”

“I’m thinking maybe … Hawaii? White beaches, palm trees, rum cocktails. If we catch the trade winds we could be there in no time. How does that sound?”

 

 

Margot Taylor lives near Taunton, UK, and works in her local library. Her short fiction has appeared in the Willesden Herald Prize anthology and online at Pulp.net, been performed at Liars’ League in London, and is forthcoming in Storyglossia.

Read an interview with Margot here.

“As Time Goes By” by Orlaith O’Sullivan

Who Will Build
“Who Will Build the City Up Each Time?” by Elizabeth Leader, Acrylic & spray paint with recycled wood

Please, folks. Please, if you’ll only grant me a moment, I can straighten this whole mess out.

The man in Room 12 is my grandfather. I’m Terry’s youngest grandson, Donal Bradley. I live over in London. I came in Tuesday, and since visiting hours finish by—what time is it now? 2am—seriously? That’s… that’s later than I thought. My point is this: I’m a daytime visitor, so you wouldn’t necessarily know me.

Terry practically raised us after Dad died. When we were kids, I was his favourite. Kick the ball around on Sunday mornings; down to Cork Con after mass; drive back through Cobh, cast off from the pier. Terry’s boy, I was. But I grew, and the years passed, and we stretched far apart. Stretched thin. Finola gave him great-grandchildren, and of course, Susan took the teaching job here. And what was I? An investment banker with JP Morgan won’t hold a candle to the Headmistress of Castlegyleen Primary School.

It took me a while to come back. Susan told me what was happening, but sure, what could I do? It’s not like I could unfrazzle his brain.

 

By the time I arrived at the nursing home, Terry had suffered seventeen strokes. I brought Mayan gold chocolates and a Get Well Soon Granddad! card—a musical fancy that chimed Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World. Susan warned that he might not know me, but he seemed alright.

‘There you are!’ he boomed. ‘Donal, come in—excellent! I trust the cats haven’t been too noisy?’

‘What’s that, Granddad?’

‘The cats. They’ve not been causing a nuisance?’

He kept tigers. That’s what he said. Had four of them, out the back of the car park. Was minding them for the Maharajah, someone he’d worked with in the past. And then he winked, as though I should understand.

‘The Maharajah, right… Is he from the Central Statistics Office?’

A deep belly-laugh shook his frame. ‘Ah, that was a good cover—lasted me years! The Maharajah is moving palaces at the minute, and the elephants are his prime concern—fierce sensitive creatures. At least I’m not stuck with the white peacocks—can you imagine fifty of those feckers running around here!’

I replayed Susan’s words in my mind. She’d not mentioned Terry had gone stone-mad.

‘Gold’s a devilish sort of a thing,’ Terry declared, eyeing me. ‘Gold-greed rots the soul like a cancer. Not the Maharajah: that man treats gold with respect; uses it with wisdom; dispenses it with kindness. Thus has it ever been.’

I opened the chocolates and listened to his tales of the tigers. The kitchen porters of Castlegyleen Lodge Nursing & Residential Home sneaked out food for the cats. I was made lean out the window to the left, to Car Park B. Could I glimpse a striped tail between the Volvos and the hatchbacks? Only last week, one of the consultants discovered a scratch down the length of his Saab. The ex-wife was blamed, but Terry knew better. ‘Those cats have been through an ordeal to get here. Sure, they’re bound to act up some.’

When the nurse came in to change his drip, I peeked at the clipboard on the end of the bed. Not one of the medications was familiar to me.

Terry’s IV drip talks to him—did you know that? The thing is American. Broadcasts news reports about his food: ‘Good afternoon, this is CNN Special News. We’re going now live to Nutrition Inc., where Head Chef Bob Billywig will take us through the dish for the day. Bob…?’ Granddad hears background sounds: a busy kitchen, with things sizzling on hot grills. Then Bob Billywig speaks: ‘Well folks, Terry Bradley has a treat in store today! Elmer’s cooking up a quarter-pound sirloin burger with spicy fries, and there’s a slice of Martha’s key lime pie to follow—sheer heaven!’

‘It was blueberry pie yesterday,’ Granddad says, worry darkening his eyes. ‘I don’t know that I like key lime…’

The absurdity of it! That instant, my fears broke open and fell away from me. ‘You’ll love it, Granddad,’ I said. ‘Key lime pie is delicious.’

Terry looked at me, nodded. ‘You know that Bogart only played Sam Spade once?’ I relaxed back into the chair, taking a moment to trace the connection: key lime… Key Largo. ‘Just that once. The same with Philip Marlowe: played him one time and pow! The part was his forever. Once was all it took for Bogie. Indelible, that man was. Indelible.’

We chatted all afternoon, making our way through half the chocolates. Granddad might have been sitting up at the bar in Con. Easygoing, confident, affable. And I loved him this way—loved him—even if he was talking unadulterated shite.

The nurse finally came and ousted me. As I went to leave, Terry told me his Admission Form needed updating. He spoke four languages now: they should add Urdu, and Luxembourgian.

I grinned. ‘Isn’t this place fantastic?’

Granddad leaned back, his thin head sinking into the pillow. ‘They need to keep me safe. I’m important to them, to the Tribunal.’

That evening I stopped by Susan’s, where Granddad stayed until he was beyond her help. The caring had taken its toll: there was neither fondness nor pleasure in her voice. ‘Spent his days looking out to sea. Kept remarking how many dolphins were around. He thought every white horse was a dolphin; thought the sea was chock-full of them! I told him, but he wouldn’t hear it! Like that with everything, he was. Insisted the evening swallows were giant bats. Over from East Africa, he said. Wanted to point it out on a map! To me!’

 

On Wednesday, I brought yellow balloons and a copy of The African Queen. Thought I could read aloud, if Granddad didn’t feel like talking.

But he did: about how he worked with a secret government department; how his testimony would be crucial to the Tribunal. ‘Gold diggers and back stabbers, the lot of them! What gold does to a man’s soul, Donal, and he only falls the harder for it. A dangerous game…’ I suspected he was conflating the Tribunal with The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but maybe not. I’ve been out of Ireland a long time. ‘Do you know, in all my years I’ve never heard the saxophone played live?’

I jumped over to the new conversation. Some Sundays, I brunched in Camden, at the Jazz Café.

‘Do you know that the man who invented the saxophone survived multiple assassination attempts? Even shootings,’ said Terry. ‘That man had enemies. His whole life, he was a victim of crooks and slanderers and jealous men. But that music…’ he shook his head slowly against the pillow. ‘Those notes. Haunting. Like starlight in a lonely place. And all those feathers…’

I stayed until he drifted off, mumbling the words that were coming from the IV drip, Bob Billywig describing the late-night snack that Elmer was fixing for Terry: a cup of Wisconsin Blue Ribbon chilli and golden sweet cornbread.

That night, Susan wept. She just wanted things back the way they were before.

Funny thing was, I almost felt they were.

 

When I opened his door on Thursday, Terry’s bony frame cowered under the covers. ‘Help me, Donal!’ he begged, tears streaming down his face. ‘For God’s sake, close the blinds!’

There was a sniper outside, waiting to take his shot. It was because of the Tribunal: Granddad had been tracked down. ‘I’m too big a threat,’ he said. ‘They sent me a warning, took out the white tiger with the blue eyes. Bang bang goodnight.’ The other cats remained in danger. Their food could no longer be trusted; the porters had been bribed.

I said I’d take care of the cats, but he turned on me. ‘And how will you feed three Bengal tigers? With your fancy investment accounts and your City of London. You’ve no local connections!’ Granddad turned his face from me. ‘What am I going to say to the Maharajah!’

I watched my grandfather weep.

Later, he was easier. He described his magical stay at Susan’s house: how the dolphins careered through the waves like a scene from a Grecian vase; how the bats swooshed through the twilight realm. Closing his eyes, he murmured. ‘I wish I’d heard the saxophone live. Wish I’d spoken to your mother before she died. Wish I’d sailed to Tangiers when I had the chance, traveled by caravan over to Casablanca. I could have gone to Luxembourg; to Lyme Regis. But the cards are dealt the other way now, dealt for the last time. There’ll be no more shuffling.’

I couldn’t tell what desires were real or imagined. What did it matter? I asked about the saxophone, the feathers. ‘Have you never seen, Donal? The notes transform into feathers, drifting across the air, soaring, swooping… And bullets can’t get through them, not saxophone feathers! The inventor saw to that. Survived multiple assassination attempts, he did.’

That evening, the IV drip came to life as Terry nodded off. It said men were coming for him. They would never let him testify, it promised. Soon he’d be sleeping the big sleep.

I watched him, remembering the pride welling as I walked into Cork Con beside that man. Terry’s boy, I was.

 

I started making calls on the way back to the hotel. It still took me a full day to organise everything. I practically hijacked Caroline and Soweto. We didn’t make it back from Dublin until after 11pm. The three of us sneaked in, with two rolling suitcases and the saxophone case. And the bin-bag stuffed with feathers.

Caroline went first. She explained that the Tribunal’s judge took a call last night—from the Maharajah. He explained Terry’s special circumstances. She would take his statement in Urdu—to keep it on the QT. She’d bring it straight to Dublin to be entered into evidence.

Granddad nodded, like he’d expected it all along. ‘That’s friendship for you! Half a world away, Donal, and it’s as if he’s in this room with me! We were no angels, back in the day. I got him out of a tight spot, helped him through a dark passage. And he’s not forgotten me!’

He started to speak, low and serious. Soweto put in his mute and warmed up. I unpacked: laid out the cake box; let out the goat and the rabbits—they were all I could get my hands on at short notice. I thought they’d reassure Granddad that the tigers would be cared for. I settled the animals as best I could, then blue-tacked up the pictures of Tangiers and Luxembourg and Lyme Regis.

The testimony brought Granddad some relief, I think. He checked over Caroline’s work, said she’d done a fine job. I witnessed his statement, along with Soweto here—on alto sax.

Then Soweto played. From the first sonorous note, Granddad was enthralled. I used four pillows’ worth of duck down, following the music rising and falling and whirling around the room. Long ostrich feathers did for the sliding glissandos and soaring crescendos. The whole time, Granddad stayed fixated on that golden swirl, big watery tears blurring his pale blue eyes.

I’m… I’m so sorry for all the inconvenience, especially the feathers, and the goat—I’d have been in and out if it weren’t for him. Caroline and Soweto came to understand my motives, but there was no winning over that feckin’ goat. The commotion started when he made a bolt for the cake box. The poor rabbits took fright, tripping up Caroline, who fell back on poor Soweto. Listen, I know I’ve a cheek to ask, but could someone see that Granddad gets to taste the key lime pie? It’s on his locker, a bit battered now…

I can go in myself? How’s that? You remember me from Con—a young lad sitting up beside his grandfather?

Ah go on. I’ve changed a bit, surely?

 

 

Orlaith O’Sullivan is an award-winning writer with a PhD in Renaissance literature. Her short story Gilt won joint first prize in the inaugural Fish-Knife Award (2006). Louisa and the Sea was short-listed for the 2007 William Trevor International Short Story Competition. Her short story A Tall Tale won The Stinging Fly prize 2008. She currently lives is Dublin, and is editing her first novel.

Read our interview with Orlaith here.