Hello! Randall Brown here. My fan club has announced some great new items for purchase to promote not only my flash fiction writing career, but also the flash form itself. Here’s a description of some of my favorites:
The “Randall Brown Who?” T-Shirt
This item makes fun of flash fiction fame by pretending that no one would know who Randall Brown is. Yes, I am sometimes confused with the Randall Brown who sells videos on how to fight like an American Indian and ranks ahead of me on Google—but if you get confused with being his fan, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Especially if you encounter some bad-ass folks when you’re in a dark alley after a flash fiction concert.
Condoms Imprinted With Famous Six-Word Stories
Okay, only four-words could fit on my personalized one, but isn’t For Sale: Baby Shoes a bit nicer without that ending of never worn. One version starts as a six-word story but then expands to 60 words. I’ve never gotten those to work.
I ♥ Short-Shorts Series of Thongs
What says I love you more than expressing your flash dominance on a pair of authentic Randall Brown Flash Thongs?
The One Use Pen
This pen not only runs out of ink after 999 words, but it gradually withers into nothingness. That way you don’t even have to revise. Just write, submit, publish. As the pen shrinks, your writing resume grows.
The Randall Brown Shot Glass
Randall Brown, like his grandmother and her mother before her all the way back to some backyard still in Kentucky, drinks bourbon, Wild Turkey, straight-up. Then, unlike his grandmother, he runs through the house screaming, “It burns. It burns.” This shot glass has an inspirational message for all flash writers.
The Randall Brown Matchbook
I had a friend, well not exactly a friend, a pot dealer in college, answer, when asked for a match, “My pinky; your dinky.” The same day he got busted, his puppy got killed by a truck. Wait. That sounds like a flash, doesn’t it? I’m off to submit it to the Micro Journal of Puppies Killed By Trucks. I hope they nominate it for a Pushcart!
Brandall Rown Interview Series
Brandall Rown almost loves Randall Brown as much as he loves himself. Almost. As much as Randall posts videos, FB status messages, blog entries, tweets, it just isn’t enough. So he created Brandall Rown, an alter-ego, because Randall Brown has too much ego for just one person. Here’s an excerpt.
BR: Do you find your big-ness to be ironic in this world of flash and micro fiction?
RB: Do you find your smallness ironic?
BR: If you were the King of Flash, what rules would you subject your subjects to?
RB: What do you mean “if”?
BR: How did you start writing flash?
RB: Flash writes me.
BR: How many times are you reading at AWP?
RB: AWP? What’s that?
BR: A pleasure.
RB: That’s what she said.